Handle with kid gloves...

Henry was in the computer room, hunched over his laptop when I came home last night. His body language told me most of the story: slouched over, his eyes were downcast and his cheeks, puffy. His tone told me the rest.

"Hi dad," he said, his voice thick with recent tears. "I had a bad day today."

Bullying had reared its ugly head.

"I heard," I said. "What happened?" Then I winced at his frustrated, clipped account of the day that was punctuated by a very rare bit of profanity and, even more heartbreaking, additional tears.

Not to get too graphic or profane in the recounting of that, but he had another encounter with a kid at his middle school: some flung food and laughter at lunch and then a shouted insult implied when he was in the middle of a presentation and his teacher was out of the room. Maybe they were not big things, or dangerous things, but they had been building up for some time.

I had been expecting it, as I guess every parent should. Bullying is a sad part of growing up and middle school—which Henry started this year—is where some of those patterns start to develop. Even so, I still felt unprepared for the discussion. I wasn't in the best of moods myself, after my usually frustrating drive home, and I don't feel like I'm the best person in the world to tackle this subject to begin with. I'm sure other parents will identify with the white hot rage I feel when someone—no matter how old—threatens or picks on my kid. At the same time, the adult in me knows there's an appropriate measured response that will be more productive than simply saying: Well, throw it back.

It can be hard to distinguish between the kind of general joking around and teasing that all children engage in and bullying behavior. It's also hard to know the appropriate response. Henry knows how to defend himself, verbally. He's got a couple of uncles that keep him on his toes in that regard, and we usually engage in some playful back-and-forths ourselves.

It becomes a problem when it's consistent, habitual and mean-spirited. If you're looking for it, the symptoms are easy to see: a gradual loss of enthusiasm about school; slipping grades; being quiet and withdrawn. Henry hadn't shown those signs yet, thankfully, but he said something during our initial discussion that stood out like a beacon: "it had been building for some time."

The thing is, I know the kid in question. He's one of Henry's friends. When Henry went to sixth grade camp and I volunteered as a parent chaperone, this kid was the one Henry chose to bunk with us and be a part of our group. He didn't seem like a bully; he was friendly—funny even.

So what can you do?

Well, first of all, don't let it build up. When you're talking with your children about school, listen for things that might have upset them. Make a mental note. If you see patterns emerge, ask them about it.

Hear them out. Remember, 'silent' and 'listen' use the same letters. If you are shocked by the language they use when talking about it, keep that to yourself—at least at first. It's important for them to be honest and open about their feelings and the kind of language they use, however harsh, may be an indicator of how serious the issue is and how upset they are by it.

Talk about some different courses of action, but let them make the ultimate choice. And, as much as you might be tempted to say it or suggest it, telling them to 'hit them back' or 'you can come up with a better insult than that' isn't sound parenting.

In our case, we talked about if the child was trying to impress a new group of friends, if he was jealous that Henry was doing better in school, if there was a mutual friend—i.e., a girl—involved, or if he might've done something to set the other kid off, or if there might be something going on at his house that we didn't know about.

Henry didn't want to go to a counselor. I, recalling an episode of The Brady Bunch, stopped short at suggesting I go talk to the other boy's dad. We came up with a couple of different ways to approach the subject and decided a phone call would be best, but Henry came up with the solution on his own.

"We're good," he said, a little later, walking out of his room with a relieved smile on his face.

"Oh, you called him already? What happened?" I thought he was still thinking about it.

"I told him we had both a little hard on each other lately, and asked if he wanted to start over and go back to being friends," Henry said. "He said 'yes'."

Problem solved, for now. Perhaps that's a lesson we can all use: a little honest communication and admitting your own responsibility can go a long way toward resolving anything.

"I'm not looking back, but I want to look around me now..."

So it is now three weeks into the New Year, and I see that I have only contributed one entry to this blog and, even worse, haven't kept up on my writing, at all.

That's not good—not when my main personal goal for 2013 (call it a New Year's Resolution, if you must) is to finally get into a regular writing routine and get published. It is a lofty goal, but I know I can't do one without doing the other.

This, then, is an attempt to outline all the projects I have bouncing around in my head and on various thumb drives, so that I can prioritize them, finish them, cross them off and move on. It will also serve to further motivate me, because there is power in telling other people your goals. It gives strength to those visions and the people you confide in can help hold you accountable on those days when you cannot. In no particular order:
 
Short term projects (short stories):

·         Unclaimed, a fantasy story featuring a series character (circulating)

·         A Better Way, a mystery/thriller/satire (working on second draft)*

·         Short Drive To Nowhere, a mystery (first draft complete)

·         Two Cows Too Many, a fantasy/mystery story (rejected once, needs an update)

·         Keeper of the Dead, a fantasy/horror story (rejected twice, needs an update)

·         The Sigilist, a fantasy story (first draft complete)

·         Three Sacrifices, a fantasy story featuring series character from Unclaimed (first draft complete)

·         Ogre Tells a Story, a fantasy/allegory (barely under way)

·         Protector, an old fantasy story (first draft complete, possibly worth a new look)

 
Mid-to-long-term projects:

·         The Forgotten Man, a Charlie Morton mystery (first draft complete. Rewrite as graphic novel script?)

 
Long term projects (novels):

·         Rynik’s Revenge, a fantasy (meant to be one book, but the first draft came in at 300,000 words)

·         Short Drive to Nowhere (novel version of story, first draft complete)

·         The Other Side of Goodbye (prequel to SDTN, concept, few scenes only)

·         The Fading of Harvey Puckett, a mystery/horror story about Alzheimer’s Disease and an old curse (concept, prologue sketched out, a few characters)

·         The Midnight Train (or Sunset Train), mystery/thriller sequel to ‘Fading’ (concept only)

·         Out of the Rain, character piece based loosely on northern community (concept, a few characters)

·         The Last Day, a mystery based on an interview I once had with a ‘freelance priest’ who serves as an interim pastor at troubled churches across the country (concept only)

·         The Herald of South Haven, a fantasy/allegory based on my experience as a newspaper reporter and editor (concept, synopsis finished)

·         The Hive, a science fiction story based on my lawn at my old house in Wayne (teeming with life, none of it friendly; concept only, jotted down in a fit of rage)

·         12 Hours to Prattville, a mystery/thriller about an internet romance gone very wrong (concept, a few scenes sketched)

 
Longest term project:

·         The complete story of fantasy series character from Unclaimed and Three Sacrifices. (World under construction, a few outlines, characters, gods

 
Ongoing projects:

·         I have my two practice blogs about Alice and Esmiralda, along with this one.

 
 
That's a lot. It's no wonder why it's difficult to get anything done because, looked at one the whole, it's overwhelming. What, then, do you do?

I'm reminded of a fire chief I once interviewed shortly after Hurricane Katrina. He took a crew down in the aftermath to help out in the clean up effort and my first comment to him was: obviously, we've seen the destruction on television, but I doubt those scenes really do it justice. What was that like, seeing it in person and how do you begin to even put a dent in that kind of destruction?

I had nearly answered my own question, but he was more succinct. You don't look at the entire catastrophe—that could get overwhelming. You look at your part of it and develop a series of tasks that, step by step, allow you to accomplish your goals. For example, his crew needed to get to a fire station. What was the first thing they had to do? Clear the road. To do that, they had to cut up a gigantic tree that lay across it. To do that, they needed a saw, and so on.

It's common sense when you look at it that way and it's applicable to just about anything in life (not just natural disasters). Break down whatever chaos you want to control in to manageable steps that will let you build some kind of momentum and confidence as you tackle the bigger task.

Now that I've reminded myself of that simple truth, here's what I'm going to do. (1). Resubmit Unclaimed to other markets. (2) Rework A Better Way and send that out. (3) Rework Keeper of the Dead—perhaps that should not be a fantasy story, but a gothic horror story, instead. All that would require is a few new names. Alternate fantasy and mystery short stories so that I've always got things circulating without overwhelming any particular market.

In the meantime, I will look into ePublishing, and decide if that's the direction I'd like to move into. (this will probably be the subject of a future blog). Ideally, I'd like to come up with a formula, a version of the 'three strikes and you're out' rule, that would have me submitting work to traditional markets, and self publishing them if they are not accepted there. We'll see.

I will also choose a longer work to fiddle around with, too, and post blogs more frequently. That should certainly keep me busy, given that I only have about two hours of free time every day. My goal is to spend one of those hours editing and the other writing. It should let me accomplish enough small tasks to keep me from looking back—or getting bogged down and discouraged.

So that's the plan for now. Any thoughts?

Alas, poor Peter....

Before it even hit the shelves a week ago, Amazing Spider-Man #700 caused quite a stir.

That's not all that surprising: it's not every day that you kill off one of your more popular characters in a particularly horrifying way. Yet that is what Dan Slott and Marvel Comics did to Peter Parker, as they ended the historic series and prepared to launch a follow up, Superior Spider-Man, which hits stores next week.

For those who hadn't heard, the issue opens with Parker's mind trapped in the dying body of his long-time nemesis, Dr. Otto Octavius (Dr. Octopus), while his old enemy is getting accustomed to his body and friends. As Doc Ock, Peter races against time and his own failing body—even enlisting the help of other old enemies—in an attempt to reverse the process and therefore save his legacy.

He fails. Alas, Peter Parker is no more (for now, anyway) and Octavius is left, alive and sound, in Parker's body.

It's quite a bold stroke on Marvel's part and it has, understandably, been met with strong criticism from long-time readers of the franchise.

I'm on the fence with it. I've read comics for about 30 years now, but can't recall ever picking up an issue of Amazing Spider-man (although I did try out the 'Ultimate Spider-Man' series when it first started). I'm familiar with the character, of course, and all he's been through and I have always been fond of him—even if I didn't shell out a few bucks every week to follow his adventures and misadventures.

Slott's story is well done. Even though it is the end of a story arc and I sensed there were nuances I had therefore missed, I had no problem jumping in and following along. There were moments of real emotion that seeped out of the page and, even though I had read all the spoilers and knew what was going to happen, I still thought Parker would make it out in the end.

I have two problems with it. First, I didn't buy Octavius' abrupt change of heart. I understand that, as he felt his way around Peter's mind that he experienced what Parker had experienced, including the tragedies that led to his guiding philosophy of 'with great power comes great responsibility.' I just don't think Octavius would care. I don't think that would be enough to make him want to turn from his past in order to carry on Parker's legacy and become a 'Superior Spider-man.' I think he'd be more likely to be scornful of Parker's ethics and conscience.

I also think it sells Mary Jane a bit short—although one interchange between her and Octavius/Parker made me laugh out loud. She's a smart woman, and, given the history they share together, I think she'd sense something was up right away and seek help.

Perhaps I'm just a bit picky.

All that said, there is tremendous potential for new plotlines and great character building as this story develops. I have no doubt Peter Parker will return and can only hope, when that happens, that is handled in a thoughtful manner. Until then, there should be plenty of drama, excitement and more than a few laughs along the way.